To Grandmother’s house we go

So, a few of my friends are sending their children to stay with grandparents this summer. One of my good friends is an amazing stay-at home mom who I am so proud of because she is allowing her girls to stay at their grandparents' house. This friend has never done this before- she missed portions of our high school graduation because they weren't kid friendly. This trip for away from her girls is going to challenge her in new ways.

But, as I watch the comments from her facebook page I couldn't help seeing one of her friends comment on the situation saying, "Let yourself enjoy the time you have while they are away and DON'T FEEL GUILTY about it. This can be hard for us stay at home moms. We feel guilty when we let someone else watch them." Really? It is only hard for stay- at- home moms?

I appreciate she is offering the same advice I am but why is it that stay- at- home moms feel guilty about allowing someone else watch their children but a working mom doesn't? I believe this woman, who I honestly do not know, thinks that because moms, like me, who drop off children at a day care or a sitter's house, do not feel guilty any more. Hello, of course I feel guilty- I feel guilty every time I drop off the kids with Kelly the Amazing Babysitter. When I left the Caveman and Alien for an entire week with Normal Grandma and Titi I cried as I drove off.

Maybe I am more sensitive about situation because I could make choices to stay at home with them more- I just function as a better mommy because I am also a woman outside of my kids. This is the balance we face as mothers, because I was awesome before I had children. My career was going really well, I was getting married, everything was great.

Then the Caveman came along and changed everything. Some things got better because of my son, I learned that a career isn't the only achievement a woman can have, I reconnected with my faith in a new way. I discovered an amount of love I didn't think possible, I met my soul mates through the Alien and Caveman.

But the kids have also brought a new amount of stress and fear about me. I constantly think "am I doing enough?" "Will they turn out okay?" "Did I feed them any vegetables today?" It was easier just worrying about me. I also desperately miss the complete freedom of just being able to do whatever I wanted without holding a summit with my husband about what to do with the kids.

These thoughts do not make me a bad mom- in fact because I am willing to share them it makes me a healthier mom and woman. My life does not revolve around my children- I was a whole person when they arrived in my life.

Being a working mom is a choice, I realize this. But I am proud of that choice- I just wish women would just say moms when talking about motherhood. Especially because the last time I checked stay-at-home moms work really hard too.