Getting what you want

The end of my first semester happened this week and overall I did really well- four As and one F. The F was because I was silly thinking I could take economics online- I don’t recommend that. Yet even with that F I still have a 3.15 GPA, not bad at all.

I have already signed up for classes next semester, 18 credits (yikes). The majority of those are subjects that I am really looking forward to dive in: yoga, US government, and the second section of US history. Also on my plate in college algebra (yuck) the second section of biology (there are body parts involved in this section not exactly looking forward to the lab) and retaking economics (in a classroom this time).

I realize with my budding writing career, my two children and marriage that I am asking a lot of myself. This college experience is all about me, a strange place to be in because for 28 years I have done everything for someone else.

The path towards college this time started because I wanted to prove to my children you should finish what you start, but now I know that I am really doing it because want to finish. I started down the path of a college degree 10 years ago, a path towards something I thought I wanted in a place I did not want to be. My college experience this semester has been a joy and a stress but it has been mine. When I am on campus, I am not a mommy but an actual person. My ideas and thoughts are valued and I am challenging my mind.

I will complete my associates in social sciences in August- but after that I still haven’t decided. I could attend a local college and get done as quickly as possible- or I could get a degree from the school I have been in love with since I was 14. My dream was to attend this one school and I actually have a chance to accomplish this.

So why am I so afraid of actually getting what I want?