You’re a Mean One Mommy Dearest!

So, guess who had a life altering moment with the Caveman today?

That's right folks mommy had an interesting moment when after hours of yelling, threatening, begging I had it with the Caveman not cleaning up his playroom. This child has acquired the bad habit of not putting things away, largely learned from Big Papi and myself. Big Papi and I are not what you would call organized in fact Crazy Grandma has often suggested that we hire professionals to organize our house.

Well as I approach 30 I am tired of my house looking like the aftermath of a natural disaster. I want my home to be as close to an Ikea, Pottery Barn or at least a Target ad as possible. I realize that in real life, especially with a three and nineteen month old that is nearly impossible; but with as crazy as my life has become in recent months I need to do my part in making sure my home truly is my haven.

The Caveman is not cooperating with the plan however and both Big Papi and I have had enough. I brought out a large black trash bag that we have for yard debris and told the Caveman to take any toy that was on the floor and put in the trash bag. The tears and screams were many as the Caveman put his beloved fire trucks, cars, balls, stuffed animals and blocks into not one but two large bags. We have the lovely Ikea toy bins so any toys that were in the bins were spared. I told the Caveman that since he treated his toys like trash the toys were going to the trash.

After the room was clean and my little man was sobbing, begging for us not to throw away the toys I made him a deal. Every night if he cleans his toys up before bed he may have one toy from the trash bags that are now safely in what the Caveman refers to as the "ladder."

The problem with all of this is wondering if I am being too hard, but as I cannot find my I-pod right now I believe that learning to respect the things that God has given us is an incredible life lesson. I think with working on myself this past year I am trying to make my children better than I am.

I know I have not written in a long time. I realize that I left my five readers hanging and I am sorry but there were serious issues that Big Papi and I had to face. With the hard work behind us I can safely say that I love the man my husband has become. Big Papi is my personal hero because he has been willing to truly walk a path with me. For awhile I felt alone in my marriage but with prayer, counseling, and by becoming debt free (only $5000 to go!) we have been able to find a way back to walking together.

So I will try my best to document the adventures of the Caveman and Alien household now that mommy and Big Papi are finally at peace.

Where are my ruby slippers?

So the final leg of our journey is now upon us. It was time to go home- yay!

8:48am: I am trapped in a car with lunatics. The Alien is the ring leader. She is the evil mastermind behind my headache and stress level. I know that her plan is to torture Big Papi and I with her constant screaming that we will finally give in and she will have total control of our family.

We are currently on our way back home and have only been on the road a half hour. The Caveman has already had his drumsticks taken away from him by Big Papi. I just am trying to find my happy place in the mist of all this craziness. I am trying to read the second book of the Twilight Saga and can’t concentrate because my family is nuts.

I have also already called Crazy Grandma to let her know that we are on our way back and to please schedule massages for Big Papi and I for tomorrow. She is laughing at me and asked me to let her say “I told you so.” Fine mom you win, children do not belong on vacation.

9:37am: A two-year old in a car for a long time is never a good idea. The Caveman has been occupying himself by taking the straw from his orange juice cup and flinging drops of juice on his sister and I. Not amused I took the straw and cup from him.

I also think I have caught the Alien’s cold as my throat becomes scratchy and the headache worsens. Or it could be the lack of sleep from the fact that the Caveman decided that an entire bed in the same room with mommy, daddy, and his sister still meant that he needed to share the bed with mommy. He is a bed hog. I am not happy. Never again will I go on vacation with my children. I might even include Big Papi in that group if he continues to scream at the children.

11:00am: Sitting in a parking lot in front of a Chick-fil-a as the Alien screams at her loudest level. The Caveman and Big Papi have escaped inside the restaurant to go potty and to get the Caveman a kids’ meal. The only thing keeping me going at this point is the knowledge that both children will be with a babysitter tomorrow. I feel like I am about to be paroled.

11:20am: Leaving Chick-fil-a after I got to go to the bathroom by myself. Oh the wonder of quiet, I had forgotten that one could be quiet. I feel like I am hung over only I have none of the fond memories to go with the feeling of achiness.

11:45am: The manager of the Chick-fil-a was kind enough to give the Caveman a balloon.

I could kill the manager of the Chick-fil-a.

The Caveman is currently hitting his sister with the balloon. The Alien is very upset but to be honest she has been upset since Monday. Actually at this very moment she is half giggling half mad as her brother bops her in the head with his balloon. The song on the radio is SOS, how appropriate.

1:20pm: Rejoice! We are in Newport News! The nightmare of the vacation is almost over! Please God let there be no traffic!

1:28pm: Officially in Hampton. Realized we have to stop at Walgreens to drop off the Alien’s prescription for her anti-biotic. Alien, who has thankfully been napping, has awaken. Oh no! Big Papi almost misses the exit. Seriously now!?

1:32pm: Mercury Blvd. Happiness and joy. Freedom is approaching!

1:33pm: Arrive at Walgreens and the Caveman has just woken up by singing Old MacDonald.

1:34pm: Leaving Walgreens, for once no line. Back on Mercury and only three traffic lights away from our turn. The crying from both kids has started again.

1:36pm: Damn you traffic light that just turned red!

1:38pm: Turning onto our street!

1:39pm: Arriving in our driveway!

Well folks, there it is. Our first family vacation and we all lived to tell the tale. Now I imagine that in a few months the bad memories will fade and I will remember the touching moments. I can’t think of any right now, but they will come.

Then the mommy amnesia will happen. This is the phenomenon that allows for women to kinds sort of remember that labor hurt but are willing to go through it again. I know I will want to take the children somewhere again; they will just be able to wipe their own butts.

The Caveman and Alien Go To Visit Elmo part 1

So I think that I was crazy to think that I could pull off this whole family vacation thing.

Here is a time line of our first day adventures of going to Sesame Place.

8:21am- We leave the house fully packed ready to go. Well actually not quite as we first have to stop by Crazy Grandma and Dude-pa’s house to colalect the soda we left from the Bugg and Dr. Richie’s birthday party. Actually if I’m honest the Crazy Grandma doesn’t believe that Big Papi and I are capable of taking her children across state lines on vacation. Seriously she comes out in her robe and then adjusts the way we have something in the back of our Durango. Finally after we get the soda we head out and go past the fire station. The Caveman is way into the fire trucks, and literally screams with the passion of groupie. “FIRE TRUCKS!!!!!!!”

As we drive off Big Papi is imagining a bug attack (not happening, I think we need to start calling him Crazy Big Papi). Just realized that we forgot the pack n play for the Alien to sleep in at the hotel and have to go back to our house to pick it up and try to squeeze it between the cooler with drinks and food and the rest of our luggage. Seriously I believe that nomadic tribes cart around less stuff than we have packed for a three day trip from Virginia to Pennsylvania. We are not even camping. I am pretty sure there is a Target somewhere.

Arriving at our house we notice city workers in front of it weed whacking the drainage ditch in front of our house. How nice until I realize that they are also blowing said weeds onto my lawn! Grrr! Seriously, City of Hampton stop being silly and just give me a sewer therefore you don’t have to spread weeds on my lawn.

Off topic, finally hit the road.

8:48am- Okay not really on the road- stop at 7-11 to buy ice for the cooler. We are bringing a full cooler of Caveman/Alien/Parent friendly food for several reasons but the big one is the fact that cavemen and restaurants don’t mix. He doesn’t understand why he has to sit at the table and not scream at the top of his lungs. Plus we’ll save money for more important things like the dinner Friday night with our grown up friends to remind ourselves to never take a vacation with our children again.

9:02am- No, not on the road yet, in line for Chick-fil-a. I have a slight obsession with their sweet tea and chicken biscuits. As I am on vacation the carbs do not count. The line, like at any Chick-fil-a is long, but so worth it for that incredible chicken. Suddenly Big Papi rushes out of the car and runs literally like a little girl- arms flapping about to the trash can to throw away something. As he runs back I am looking him like my husband just jumped off the short bus. Finally get our food, and get on the interstate, finally officially on our way.

9:41- Joy, the first temper tantrum from the Caveman as we are barely leaving the Peninsula area heading to Richmond. We are currently listening to what the Caveman describes as ‘drums.’ Drums are songs that have good amount of drumming in them because he likes to drum along. Really cute most of the time but not when the radio starts breaking up and suddenly my adorable Caveman becomes a two year old hysterical maniac. It gets so bad that I threaten to take us home if he doesn’t stop we will turn the car around and there will be no Elmo ever. At that moment I have become a full fledge grown-up.

10:19- I am informed by the Caveman that the car is in time out. No wait he wants to listen to Coldplay’s “Viva la Viva” and is drumming away.

11:00- Make a gas stop in Fredericksburg and I need to potty. Of course Big Papi being a man suggests that I simply use the restroom at the gas station. Okay, maybe I am a snob but since I am a girl I don’t want my lady parts on a restroom at a gas station. Particularly a gas station that isn’t set up for public use. I do not have a germ phobia, but still the thought of using the bathroom that only the employees use, creeps me out. How do we know when the last time that bathroom was cleaned properly? I realize that this could and does apply to public restrooms but at least most places will attempt to keep those clean. I use the excuse that the Caveman needs to run off some energy so I suggest we find a McDonald’s with an indoor playground and let him play for a half hour. Big Papi agrees, and I use the potty- very clean with toilet paper and soap thank goodness. And we let the Caveman play while snacking on French fries.

I realize at this moment I should have brought the camera inside because Big Papi in all his 6’7 glory is trying to go through the tunnels of the play place with the Caveman. Hilarious.

After about a half hour we inform the Caveman that McDonald’s needs a nap and we have to leave. The Caveman isn’t buying it and screams so loudly people must think that my husband and I are kidnapping him.

11:10 am – Caveman finally calms down when I put in Drowning Pools “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor.” He is happily drumming along; I should be mommy of the year.

1:00 pm- Near the BWI airport and stop at an office complex to have lunch. At this point both kids are over being in the car seats. After out lunch both kids are screaming and Big Papi is getting on my nerves because the kids are getting on his nerves. I am now realizing that maybe I should have planned spa weekend with the girls. Family togetherness is just silly. The Caveman is now rocking to Rage Against the Machine’s “Renegades of Funk.” We are half way there, thank goodness.

1:55 pm- Finally I-95 to New York. Seriously the Caveman is in his second timeout. Car timeouts consist of mommy taking away his drum sticks and no music at all. This time out is because the Caveman doesn’t want to listen to what mommy and daddy want to listen to. Is he too young for his own i-pod with ear phones?

2:08 pm- We are on a bridge outside of Baltimore that is really high. Completely forgot that Big Papi hates really tall bridges. He is breathing in and out which I find hysterical. I know I shouldn’t be making fun of a real fear but the world’s tallest man can’t handle a bridge.

Bridge is over and coming up to a toll plaza. $5.00 dollars for a toll- outrageous! The song on the radio is “Apologize” by One Republic. Caveman still isn’t excited about the song selection and Big Papi still looks like he needs a valium. Alien is eating her own foot.

2:51pm- Saw a giant billboard that says “I hate Steven Singer.” I don’t know who Steven Singer is but that is a really expensive way to show that you hate him who ever paid for that billboard. Song of the radio is “Love Song” by the Cure.

3:01pm- Outside of Philadelphia and we encounter a police car. Not a state trooper, no this was for the postal police. The post office has its own police department? Maybe that is why the stamps are so expensive.

I stopped taking notes after this because we did get a little confused about an exit- not clearly marked. The best part about that was a car next to us asked us for directions. Yeah did you not realize we are in Pennsylvania and our plates say we are from Virginia. The car is also looking for the exit we are trying to take and when we inform them we do not know where we are going they decide to follow us. I feel a little like the Amazing Race as do your own direction getting folks!

After that we finally find the exit and glorious sighting of the hotel is in front of us. We check in, the room is clean and we are renting a mini fridge for $10 dollars a day. Big Papi unloads the car as I am trying to keep the Caveman from opening the door and the Alien out of the toilet water. I prepare dinner for the kids and then the Caveman and Big Papi spend two hours in the pool. The Alien and I spent some quality time of tickling.

It is now almost 9:00 and I am beat. The Caveman and Alien are wiped out and Big Papi and I are watching CBS comedies and sitting in the most comfy desk chair in the world. More adventures to come tomorrow.

Boyhood right of passage

So the Caveman has decided to waste no time proving that he is in fact all boy.

A few days ago I pick up the Caveman at preschool and go by his cubby and find a note. The note is from one of his teachers explaining that during nap time the Caveman was playing “moneys jumping on the bed.” Like the song goes one fell off and bumped his head. Only the Caveman fell off and hit his elbow.

Now the note told me that he cried and screamed but calmed down. Then during playtime anytime he would move his arm he would scream. So the teachers brought the Caveman inside and had the director of the preschool look at his arm. He was able to move it and it wasn’t swollen but she felt that I should know about it.

Fast forward to a mom running late to pick up her child because she has to get dinner into him and her as both are going to vacation bible school that evening. Only when I examined his arm his little hand was starting to swell and he wouldn’t let me touch his arm.

Loading the Caveman into the car I call Big Papi and let him know “hey AJ’s arm could be broken” YIKES! Seriously did I go there to that place where I am envisioning casts and more doctors appointments. Plus we are less than two weeks from our Sesame Place vacation. So I call Crazy Grandma who is a massage therapist to get her to look at the arm first. I do this for two reasons, one to validate that I am not an over protected mommy, and two to make sure that it isn’t that serious to go to the emergency room.

Well Crazy Grandma confirmed that I was not a over protected mom and that a trip to the emergency room was in order.

Now I have a choice to take him to our local emergency room or drive through rush hour traffic to take the Caveman to the children’s hospital. Thank goodness the Alien’s babysitter had no problem keeping the Alien longer so that we didn’t have to worry about her and the Caveman.

Big Papi, the Caveman, and I arrive at the Children’s Hospital of the Kings Daughter’s emergency room after fighting through a tunnel and silly slow drivers. I mean, come on don’t people know that I have a hurt Caveman in the back seat. At this point I am stressed out, my baby is in pain and Big Papi can’t seem to figure out where to park. I tell him the garage and he completely goes to another spot that has no parking. We go back to the parking lot. Then Big Papi wants to walk on the outside- I tell him it would be easier to go through the hospital. I am right again.

We finally make it to the actual emergency room where a cop, yes a cop with a gun in a children’s emergency room (WTF)! He gets the nurse who does some vitals and then sends us out to wait. Sitting next to us is a family with grandparents, aunts, and uncles all crying. At that moment I take a deep breath and thank God that though my child is hurt I at least know the worse thing could be a broken arm. All the sudden the family is being asked to go to the back and clergy is being called. I never saw that family again but my hope is that my instinct isn’t right and that child is fine.

After that I promised myself that no matter what I will not panic. Another nurse calls us and takes us back to an examination room. The Caveman is actually very charming and it shows why a children’s hospital is a need resource in a community. These medical professionals are able to get him to cooperate. The doctor is also wonderful and explains we will need x-rays to get some answers.

That is where the screaming starts. The x-ray techs could not have been more kind but need us to help hold the Caveman down and get his arm into the right positions. There is no pain worse for a mother or even a dad then having to be in a position to hurt your child. My child was screaming in agony and I was causing it.

The x-rays showed that the Caveman simply dislocated his elbow and the doctor just popped it right back in. Ten minutes later he has a red Popsicle in his hand and is laughing as the doctor blows bubbles in the air. A happy meal later and the Caveman is fine. Four days later I am still upset.

On top of spaghetti- oh wait sorry that have carbs.

So I have started my new diet plan, and well it is an adjustment to say the least.

The first big change is this jump off program that I have been involved with for a week. Each day I start out with a protein shake. The flavors are chocolate, which isn’t so bad as long as it is ice cold, the other vanilla. The vanilla shake when made is the consistency of snot. It even looks like yellow, thick snot, but it does taste like vanilla, well kind of. Then I have a high protein snack like a protein bar which is actually really good. Lunch is a big green salad with lean protein, like chicken or fish. I have another snack and then dinner is lean protein, some more salad and colorful veggies.

Have you noticed what I’m not eating? That’s right gang carbs! Seriously I vowed to never do a high protein diet- but here I am limited to 100 grams of carbohydrates a day. That isn’t a lot. A half cup serving of pasta for example has 43 grams of carbs. Who only eats a half cup of pasta at one time! So really the diet is based on eating lots of protein, fresh fruits and veggies. I also discount the amount of fiber grams from the total carbs. If the total amount of carbs on the package is 10 grams but there are 6 grams of fiber then I only count four grams to my daily total. The Diet Guru tells me to avoid “red flag” foods, those that I can’t stop eating once I started. Well guess what- I want some freakin carbs!

I have been having dreams of brown rice with champagne chicken. Mounds of pasta covered in pesto. Brownies!

The low carb think only lasts another week, but man this is so hard. Crazy Grandma has been very encouraging. She reminds me that last year I gave up all soda, even diet. I did survive that, but this is different. I am forced to plan my meals, which I know is a good thing. Yet for 28 years I have just done what I wanted. Yes that is probably why I am going through this process now- but damn it I am in my bedroom far away from the kitchen because I know a ton of pasta is in boxes waiting to be donated to the local food bank.

Before anyone messages me about the fact that I can have whole grain carbs it isn’t that simple for me. Bread, pasta, rice are all “red flag” foods for me. I can keep eating them until I want to throw up. This is something I have never revealed to anyone and yet here I am on the blog saying it out loud to God knows how many people. I am like an alcoholic but my drug of choice is food.

The other thing I have to do is write everything I eat down. I am starting to notice my personal triggers for junk food binges. One I am noticing is when I am on campus I have a desire to eat snack cakes. These are not things I normally eat, but the vending machine beckons saying, “put that dollar in me. That’s right. Now, now push the buttons. Oh just like that. I’ll give you what you like.” So the other day I do just that not thinking because it was right before I huge biology test and I was stressed. I purchased the item and turned around and saw the small snack cake had 83 grams of carbs! So I threw them away. That right there is a huge step for me because before I would have just eaten them without thinking about it. Without being truly hungry, I would inject months old snack cakes because really I was nervous about a test.

I am trying to find these victories every day. Some are better like yesterday my family went to an amusement park and I was surrounded by handmade fudge, giant soft pretzels, and towering ice cream cones. I didn’t buy any of it.

The no carb thing is also giving me a horrible headache all the time. The diet guru warned me about this happening, but man when the cravings hit my head feels like it is going to explode. This must be a very mild example of what it is like to withdraw from drugs.

I plan on keeping everyone posted because frankly I have never been on a diet where I told the world. Well if I am being honest with myself I have never been on a diet where I told anyone. To be on a diet feels like failure from the start because my body won’t do what I want it to. I want to be able to eat what I want when I wanted. My challenge is letting this go. I am not built to be able to eat anything because when I eat anything I don’t want to stop.

The 100 Things AJ Rice's Mommy Must Do Before...

This is an exercise that I learned from real estate guru Terry Watson. He believes that if we do not have a set lists of things we want to accomplish before we die then we have nothing to work for. Here is the 2009 edition- I removed the real estate items and finally added some things to make the list really number 100. I also kept the things on the list I accomplished in 2008- next year I'll remove those things and add new ones.

I highly suggest people do this for themselves and then let their family and friends know. Why? The people you surround yourself with should know your heart's desires. They could possibly have a way to accomplish this. A big example of this was Crazy Grandma gave me a Coach gift card last Christmas and I was able to buy my Coach bag without worry. I know it is silly, but I love that bag and every time I pick it up I remember that my mom- the Alien and Caveman's Crazy Grandma made that dream come true. This year she is at it again- she gave me a baking cookbook that has a method for croissants.

This list is really important when you look back at the past year and maybe you don't think you accomplished anything. If you do only one thing on the list you have accomplished something.

100 Things I want to do before I die


1. Get accepted into UVA
2. go to a Super Bowl
3. attend a World Series
4. attend a UVA vs. VT football game and UVA wins by a landslide
5. attend an Olympics
6. attend a final four- men's basketball
7. attend a BSC bowl
8. attend a NFL draft
9. host an all girl fantasy football league
10. enter and play in a World Series of Poker event
11. Attend an ACC men basketball tournament
12. Watch the Eagles win a Super Bowl
13. buy a Coach bag at full retail price without worry about the cost (did it!)
14. get published in a glossy magazine
15. Get my college degree
16. Make a brother or sister for the Caveman (did it!)
17. learn to make croissants from scratch
18. lose a good amount of weight and keep it off
19. learn to knit well
20. publish a book that I write
21. see a TV show live
22. run a marathon
23. drive across America
24. drive up the Mississippi from south to north
25. create a higher education scholarship foundation
26. go to Rome
27. go to London
28. go to Paris
29. go to Hong Kong
30. go to Chicago
31. go to Australia
32. adopt a single mom and her children for an entire year
33. see the Northern Lights
34. throw an amazing party (did it, Big Papi’s surprise 30th birthday!)
35. go on a road trip with no predetermined destination
36. read every F. Scott Fitzgerald published work
37. Show up at the airport and take the first flight available
38. teach a class
39. drive RT 66
40. learn to sew well
41. see Oprah live
42. do the Sydney-Harbor Bridge climb
43. sit on a jury
44. visit Ground Zero
45. watch launch of space shuttle
46. see a NASCAR race live
47. drive a convertible with top down
48. be invited to have a black American Express card
49. be invited to join Phi Beta Kappa- the honor fraternity at TCC which means you have to have an 3.5 GPA
50. go to the Baseball hall of fame
51. go to the football hall of fame
52. see a Notre Dame football game live
53. take a course at the French Culinary Institute
54. spend a year traveling around the world
55. learn to ballroom dance properly
56. forgive those who have hurt me
57. sky dive
58. bungee jump
59. go to Kentucky Derby
60. learn Spanish
61. donate money to a political candidate (did it!)
62. buy everyone in a bar a drink
63. redecorate a house without my mom's help
64. do my family tree
65. drive the autobahn
66. learn to bartend
67. learn to properly carve a chicken (did it!)
68. leave a $5000 tip to someone who deserves it
69. watch Anderson score a home run, a goal, a touchdown
70. teach the Caveman to read and read well
71. Teach Caveman to use the big boy potty
72. Get the Alien to sleep through the night
73. Submit a recipe into the Pillsbury Bake-off
74. Raise my children to have a personal relationship with God
75. Create a welcome committee for my church with my husband
76. Host a game night for the 21+ group
77. Build my freelance portfolio
78. Clean out my closets- only keeping what my family loves and needs
79. Buy a house big enough for mommy to have a room of her own
80. Have a gourmet kitchen with a pot filler, baking station, Viking range, and at least two convection ovens
81. Actually finish the scrapbooks I bought all those supplies for
82. Learn how to incorporate yoga into my daily routine
83. Learn how to apply the Franklin Covey methods to my daily life
84. Keep the house clean longer than one day
85. Take a polar plunge
86. To go shopping in a regular sized woman store and actually find things that fit me
87. Get over the pass
88. Not look too far into the future
89. Live in my moment right now
90. Save enough money so my kids don’t have to take out student loans
91. Pay off my credit card debts
92. Learn to live within my family’s financial means
93. Have a diverse financial portfolio
94. Become a land baron with my husband
95. Love my husband everyday; and tell him so
96. Always appreciate all the things my children do- even the bad
97. Become a gracious person
98. Keep my car clean
99. Get a tattoo
100. Keep adding things to the list

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. ~Leo J. Burke

The Caveman is really fighting me on the sleeping in his own bed thing. Today Big Papi and I decided that we would work on getting him into his own bed.

After a fun filled evening of touring the Norfolk Botanical Garden’s Christmas lights (the Caveman loves Christmas lights- he calls them pretties. Lately it has been “Oh my goodness look at all my pretties!”). We came home and the Alien was completely knocked out so I brought the Caveman into his room, changed him into pajamas and then let him pick out a book. Then I put him into the bed and all hell broke loose.

The heavy breathing tipped me off that this was not going to be easy. Like a volcano about to explode, the Caveman built up to the biggest cry I have ever heard, with one little tear falling onto his face. He was horrified that I would actually send him to bed in his own room. I sat with him as he cried, pleading mommy let me sleep where I like. After ten minutes I kissed my crying baby and told him goodnight.

Currently a half hour later he is still screaming his eyes out.

Before becoming a parent I would catch that “Super Nanny” show and wonder how those idiotic parents got to the point that they needed the help of a reality show nanny. Come on, how hard could it be to get a two year old to bed?

Ignorance is bliss- a parent of a two year old who refuses to sleep in his own bed said this.

When you long to be a parent you only see the fun things never the long nights, the constant contact with bodily fluids, or the sheer torture of endless singing of “Skinnamrink.” While I was pregnant with the Caveman I had visions of cookie making, little league and school plays dancing in my head. No one or thing can prepare you for the challenge of disciplining your child for saying a bad word while trying not to laugh at the sheer hilarity of a tiny voice saying “oh s***.”

It’s been forty minutes and he is still at it.

The other thing no one tells expectant mommies is that daddies are never affected as deeply when your child is upset over not going to bed. Currently Big Papi is asleep, snoring and probably dreaming of relations with Angelia Jolie, how nice. I on the other hand have no plans to fall asleep until I know my Caveman is safely asleep.

Forty-five minutes- still crying.

Who decided that kids this age should sleep in their own rooms anyway? Oh I remember dads who want to sleep with their wives. That is one more thing to consider when thinking of adding a caveman or alien to your household, sex. Sometimes if we happen to have a moment where both kids are asleep I know Big Papi would like to have some “sexy time” and I try but the thought of the Caveman walking in freaks me out. So you’re thinking lock the door well the thought of a two year old let loose in the house without any grownups is the most disturbing thing in the world. Do you know what a two year old can do to a house in two minutes if you let it? I’m just going to let your mind wander on that one.

Oh wait- I think I hear something- could it be that he has finally fell asleep.

NO! It’s been an hour now and now he is calling for his Crazy Grandma and the crying is more a screeching.

This whole process is awful by the way, I can see why rich people pay other people to take care of their children because then the nanny has to deal with the screeching “I want” cries.

Now the silence has spread across the house. Has this actually worked- did I finally stand my ground and my Caveman is going to sleep in his cave? Thanks to God and the sandman and whomever else handles sleep. Now I think I’ll go to sleep myself…

Never mind, the Alien just woke up.