The Caveman and Alien Go To Visit Elmo part 1

So I think that I was crazy to think that I could pull off this whole family vacation thing.

Here is a time line of our first day adventures of going to Sesame Place.

8:21am- We leave the house fully packed ready to go. Well actually not quite as we first have to stop by Crazy Grandma and Dude-pa’s house to colalect the soda we left from the Bugg and Dr. Richie’s birthday party. Actually if I’m honest the Crazy Grandma doesn’t believe that Big Papi and I are capable of taking her children across state lines on vacation. Seriously she comes out in her robe and then adjusts the way we have something in the back of our Durango. Finally after we get the soda we head out and go past the fire station. The Caveman is way into the fire trucks, and literally screams with the passion of groupie. “FIRE TRUCKS!!!!!!!”

As we drive off Big Papi is imagining a bug attack (not happening, I think we need to start calling him Crazy Big Papi). Just realized that we forgot the pack n play for the Alien to sleep in at the hotel and have to go back to our house to pick it up and try to squeeze it between the cooler with drinks and food and the rest of our luggage. Seriously I believe that nomadic tribes cart around less stuff than we have packed for a three day trip from Virginia to Pennsylvania. We are not even camping. I am pretty sure there is a Target somewhere.

Arriving at our house we notice city workers in front of it weed whacking the drainage ditch in front of our house. How nice until I realize that they are also blowing said weeds onto my lawn! Grrr! Seriously, City of Hampton stop being silly and just give me a sewer therefore you don’t have to spread weeds on my lawn.

Off topic, finally hit the road.

8:48am- Okay not really on the road- stop at 7-11 to buy ice for the cooler. We are bringing a full cooler of Caveman/Alien/Parent friendly food for several reasons but the big one is the fact that cavemen and restaurants don’t mix. He doesn’t understand why he has to sit at the table and not scream at the top of his lungs. Plus we’ll save money for more important things like the dinner Friday night with our grown up friends to remind ourselves to never take a vacation with our children again.

9:02am- No, not on the road yet, in line for Chick-fil-a. I have a slight obsession with their sweet tea and chicken biscuits. As I am on vacation the carbs do not count. The line, like at any Chick-fil-a is long, but so worth it for that incredible chicken. Suddenly Big Papi rushes out of the car and runs literally like a little girl- arms flapping about to the trash can to throw away something. As he runs back I am looking him like my husband just jumped off the short bus. Finally get our food, and get on the interstate, finally officially on our way.

9:41- Joy, the first temper tantrum from the Caveman as we are barely leaving the Peninsula area heading to Richmond. We are currently listening to what the Caveman describes as ‘drums.’ Drums are songs that have good amount of drumming in them because he likes to drum along. Really cute most of the time but not when the radio starts breaking up and suddenly my adorable Caveman becomes a two year old hysterical maniac. It gets so bad that I threaten to take us home if he doesn’t stop we will turn the car around and there will be no Elmo ever. At that moment I have become a full fledge grown-up.

10:19- I am informed by the Caveman that the car is in time out. No wait he wants to listen to Coldplay’s “Viva la Viva” and is drumming away.

11:00- Make a gas stop in Fredericksburg and I need to potty. Of course Big Papi being a man suggests that I simply use the restroom at the gas station. Okay, maybe I am a snob but since I am a girl I don’t want my lady parts on a restroom at a gas station. Particularly a gas station that isn’t set up for public use. I do not have a germ phobia, but still the thought of using the bathroom that only the employees use, creeps me out. How do we know when the last time that bathroom was cleaned properly? I realize that this could and does apply to public restrooms but at least most places will attempt to keep those clean. I use the excuse that the Caveman needs to run off some energy so I suggest we find a McDonald’s with an indoor playground and let him play for a half hour. Big Papi agrees, and I use the potty- very clean with toilet paper and soap thank goodness. And we let the Caveman play while snacking on French fries.

I realize at this moment I should have brought the camera inside because Big Papi in all his 6’7 glory is trying to go through the tunnels of the play place with the Caveman. Hilarious.

After about a half hour we inform the Caveman that McDonald’s needs a nap and we have to leave. The Caveman isn’t buying it and screams so loudly people must think that my husband and I are kidnapping him.

11:10 am – Caveman finally calms down when I put in Drowning Pools “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor.” He is happily drumming along; I should be mommy of the year.

1:00 pm- Near the BWI airport and stop at an office complex to have lunch. At this point both kids are over being in the car seats. After out lunch both kids are screaming and Big Papi is getting on my nerves because the kids are getting on his nerves. I am now realizing that maybe I should have planned spa weekend with the girls. Family togetherness is just silly. The Caveman is now rocking to Rage Against the Machine’s “Renegades of Funk.” We are half way there, thank goodness.

1:55 pm- Finally I-95 to New York. Seriously the Caveman is in his second timeout. Car timeouts consist of mommy taking away his drum sticks and no music at all. This time out is because the Caveman doesn’t want to listen to what mommy and daddy want to listen to. Is he too young for his own i-pod with ear phones?

2:08 pm- We are on a bridge outside of Baltimore that is really high. Completely forgot that Big Papi hates really tall bridges. He is breathing in and out which I find hysterical. I know I shouldn’t be making fun of a real fear but the world’s tallest man can’t handle a bridge.

Bridge is over and coming up to a toll plaza. $5.00 dollars for a toll- outrageous! The song on the radio is “Apologize” by One Republic. Caveman still isn’t excited about the song selection and Big Papi still looks like he needs a valium. Alien is eating her own foot.

2:51pm- Saw a giant billboard that says “I hate Steven Singer.” I don’t know who Steven Singer is but that is a really expensive way to show that you hate him who ever paid for that billboard. Song of the radio is “Love Song” by the Cure.

3:01pm- Outside of Philadelphia and we encounter a police car. Not a state trooper, no this was for the postal police. The post office has its own police department? Maybe that is why the stamps are so expensive.

I stopped taking notes after this because we did get a little confused about an exit- not clearly marked. The best part about that was a car next to us asked us for directions. Yeah did you not realize we are in Pennsylvania and our plates say we are from Virginia. The car is also looking for the exit we are trying to take and when we inform them we do not know where we are going they decide to follow us. I feel a little like the Amazing Race as do your own direction getting folks!

After that we finally find the exit and glorious sighting of the hotel is in front of us. We check in, the room is clean and we are renting a mini fridge for $10 dollars a day. Big Papi unloads the car as I am trying to keep the Caveman from opening the door and the Alien out of the toilet water. I prepare dinner for the kids and then the Caveman and Big Papi spend two hours in the pool. The Alien and I spent some quality time of tickling.

It is now almost 9:00 and I am beat. The Caveman and Alien are wiped out and Big Papi and I are watching CBS comedies and sitting in the most comfy desk chair in the world. More adventures to come tomorrow.