Caveman this is not an all you can eat buffet!

So, several revelations today in the Caveman/Alien universe.

The first is that ha ha Crazy Grandma was wrong! See the Caveman has to wear glasses but the problem with this is that the Caveman is a three year old force of nature and often the glasses are not on his face. In fact I know I am a terrible mother to admit this but his glasses have been lost more than he has actually worn them. Crazy Grandma being a typical grandma thought the solution would be to get the Caveman more durable glasses with the hook looking arms. Well the nice people at the eye glass shop told her that no matter what the Caveman is three and well three year old boys are prone to getting to know their eye shop professionals as they need adjustments at least every month. Plus, the glasses that Big Papi and I selected were ideal for his daily use. Now Crazy Grandma tried to say she wanted to get another pair of glasses because his were lost, and that I will give her partial credit for. But, the sweet victory of the eye glass professional saying that the mom actually selected an appropriate pair of glasses despite the misgivings of a grandma is simply priceless.

The second is a list of everything the Caveman ate today. One brown sugar pop tart, a three pack of Chick-fil-a breakfast minis, a full size Chick-fil-a chicken biscuit, two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (well the middles) a pint of strawberries, a few chocolate chip cookies, a pack of Annie's Homegrown Chocolate Bunny Grahams, and a bowl of pork fried rice. What in the world! He is three, and the only reason he had the chicken biscuit was that the restaurant put an extra in the bag. While waiting to meet Crazy Grandma and the glasses shop I brought the Caveman to work with me. I put the extra biscuit on the desk to give to a co-worker when I turned around and the Caveman was eating the biscuit. The peanut butter sandwiches, strawberries, and chocolate chip cookies were with Crazy Grandma. But still what in the world is going on with the Caveman? Big Papi claims it is just a growth spurt but still- tomorrow I am completely making the biggest salad for lunch because I think he is going to need to be cleaned out.

The third is when the Alien is pissed off everyone knows about it. Friday nights usually means take out, I know not original but after a long week between teaching, working, writing and studying I just need a night off. I wanted Chinese and it is always faster if Big Papi picks up the order. He normally goes by himself but decided to bring the Caveman along. The problem with this is that while Big Papi was getting the Caveman ready to go the Alien was getting herself ready to go as well. With a hat on her head as the boys headed out she believed that she was going right along with Daddy and Caveman. Big Papi tried to get her to hang out with me in the back of the house in the "man room" but she is clever and ran out after she heard the front door close. Going through the house crying "Dahey Dahey" the Alien was looking for Big Papi when all the sudden Big Papi came back into the house because God forbid he go out into the rain barely five feet to his car without a hoodie. The Alien cheerfully greets Big Papi and then becomes heartbroken as he and the Caveman leave without her.

You know when you stub your toe so hard the wind get knock out of you and it is at least 30 seconds before you scream out in pain. Well that my faithful reader is the cry the Alien had after Big Papi left without her. She screamed so loudly I am surprised the neighbors did not hear. The only way to get her to calm down was to first show her baby pictures of herself (my she is vain) and allow her to pull Kleenexes out of the box.

Tomorrow expect another great adventure- we sign up the Caveman for preschool! OMG seriously I might faint.

A Conversation with the Caveman

So the Caveman is starting to see the difference between boys and girls.

Thank goodness he isn't pointing out body parts or anything but at three it is interesting that he notices the differences. Sometimes when he is in a mood he'll point and say "Mommy I'm going to turn you into a girl" like that is a bad thing. Or he will point out "Mommy the Alien is a girl and I am a boy."

I wanted to get to the bottom of this so I interviewed the Caveman.

Mommy: What does it mean to be a boy?"

Caveman: "Because I don't like you"

Mommy: "So if you're a boy you don't like them?"

Caveman: "I like boys and I like girls too?"

Mommy: "What do you like best about girls?"

Caveman: "No! I've got sticky feet."

Mommy: "Can boys love boys?"

Caveman: "I love boys, I have to go potty"

Mommy: "Who are the girls?"

Caveman: "They go potty. Its hero time"

Mommy: "So are boys and girls different?"

Caveman: "yes"

Mommy: "how are they different?"

Caveman: "You be Dora"

Mommy: "Caveman what does Mommy do at work?"

Caveman: "Goes to school, do homework"

Mommy: "How do I do homework?"

Caveman: "You get the papers"

Mommy: "What about Daddy what is your favorite thing about Daddy?"

Caveman: "He does monies"

Mommy: "What about the Alien?"

Caveman: "Nite Nite"

Mommy: What is your favorite thing about yourself?

Caveman: "Be Diego and Sportacus too"

Mommy: "If you could have anything in the world what would it be?"

Caveman: "Green"

Mommy: "What does Sessy do?"

Caveman: "Read books"

Mommy: "Dude-pa?"

Caveman: "Takes walks"

Mommy: "Pa-Pa?"

Caveman: "Helps open my presents"

Mommy: "Titi?"

Caveman: "She does homework too like you Mommy but I do homework too from my own computer. Guess what it is green!"

Mommy: "What about Grandma?"

Caveman: "Her make lunch and read books like you Mommy"

Mommy: "So do you have anything you want to share with our readers?"

Caveman: "That my monies. To put them in the piggy bank in my pig. Yes, and I want to be Sportacus and Diego. I want to be the boys. You're a girl- that means go potty and boys too. It hero time!"

Mommy: "Caveman, what does it mean to be a hero?"

Caveman: "It is pretend but I am not going to stomp on you. I'm going to be nice"

Caveman you are smarter than mommy gives you credit for sometimes.

Ten Times the Charm

So, the morning the Alien tested all my abilities.

I guess when you know that you are cute and adorable you feel the need to get away with things. Mornings are not my best time of day, I am really good about mid day- if only the children in the household would get on board with this plan of not waking up until 11. Well that and also my job but anyways so I am not the most approachable in the morning. Yet this morning was different. I immediately got up fought the Caveman over him getting out of the bathroom so mommy could do her business. Had my ten minutes of devotional time things are looking good.

Until I walk into the living room and see all the kids' books all over the floor surrounding the Alien. Now I know I should be excited that she wants to look at the book and I am but there is no need to ever have the amount of the children's section of Barnes and Noble on my living room floor while reading. I told the Alien, "time to clean up!" which she responded "NO!"

The Alien has learned the word no in many ways particularly to her brother saying "No! Mine!" She sometimes reminds me of the creepy green hobbit thing from the Lord of the Rings "my own my precious." And since I understand the longing to have stuff I can appreciate that she does not want the Caveman to take her things. Plus it is hilarious to listen to her say "No! Mine!" Well that is until it happens to you.

With books on the floor I pick the Alien up and plant her on the floor and say "Clean Up" and then comes the first of ten count them ten hissy fits so loud I wonder if the neighbors think I am abusing this child. Ten trips to the time out corner and finally the Alien picked up the books.

This makes me think that is this just the beginning of many battles over stuff like cleaning? My hope is that by drawing my line in the sand now before she is two that the battles over skirt length when she is 13 won't be as bad.

I think I understand why my mom drank so much wine when I was a teenager.

Thank Heaven For Little Aliens

So, the difference between boys and girls is simply amazing.

This morning as I am sitting in my bedroom hearing the sounds of Big Papi and the Caveman play fighting in the Caveman's bedroom the Alien walks in. I haven't really written much about the Alien because well she was a baby and the second one doesn't surprise you as much as the first. I think having them so close also affects the surprise factor because the Caveman was not even two when I had the Alien so I was already dealing with bottles and diapers and lots of sleepless nights.

But, lately boy the Alien is really coming into her own! No longer just a side kick for the Caveman, the Alien is playing on her own, making decisions and is getting into trouble all on her own too. Her favorite crime is playing with the toilet. Thanks Alien, I already spend more time there than the average 30-year old because the Caveman thinks he needs to either go potty or brush his teeth every five minutes. Now because of her toilet fascination I am forced to keep the toilet completely clean because we all know what goes on down there. Add a 20-month old to the mix and it isn't pretty. And before you comment (all five of you) telling me about the fact I could child proof the potty you do not have a three year old little boy being potty trained and from the time he tells me he needs to go pee pee I have about 30 seconds to get him not only to the bathroom, pull down his pants, and then get him on the potty. If you add me unlocking the toilet every time to that mix and well there would be a lot of mommy cleaning the bathroom floor.

The Caveman never wanted to play with the toilet. Of course I could be blocking that out like most women block out the pain from childbirth. After all, we know that it happened but somehow foreget when a new baby is placed in our arms.

The Alien does just play with the toilet though; she is the girliest girl I have seen in a long time. Unlike the Caveman who would do anything to avoid getting his nails cut, the Alien sits there and giggles. But, the Caveman will go to time out serve his time and be done with it. The Alien goes through several octave changes before settling on scream level 12 and then continues to get out of the time out corner so many times instead of a one-minute time out she gets a 20-minute time out.

She already wants to play with dolls and even when she eats she is neater than the Caveman. The Alien is all little girl, and I would not have it any other way.