Adventures in Sesame Place part 2

So who are the people in your neighborhood? I swear if I hear that song one more time I will kill someone.

Sesame Street adventures part 2:

5:49am- I am awake. Seriously because the Alien is awake; she wants a bottle. There must be a Saturday/vacation function on these children. I haven’t found a way to turn on that option. Fine I will get up to make a bottle but come to find that Big Papi (who was in charge of bottles) only brought the one. Thank goodness mommy brought the incredible Method Cucumber Dish Soap. I love Method’s entire line of products. If someone from Method happens to read this blog please email me and I will gladly accept products. I can be bought with a lifetime supply of Go Naked Hand Soap!

With a clean bottle I realize that it was I who said bring only one bottle because I want to convert the Alien to regular milk and a sippy cup. Neither is working, and because I think the Alien is teething and has a cold I am willing to put up with formula bottles for the time being. Someone once asked me why I call them Caveman and Alien. I think the Caveman is self explanatory but the Alien is because often there is various amounts of gross fluid-like items that spew out of various orifices on her body.

Since I am awake decide to check internet only to notice it is down. Is this a sign for the remainder of the day? I hope not.

7:06 am- Ask James to go online and find a Target near the hotel so that I might be able to get a battery charger for the digital camera and to also confirm that we are in civilization. If there is no Target near you, I am so sorry. I am not sure I would survive as a person without a Target nearby. Thankfully with the internet back up Big Papi should be able to find a Target. But, first the man asks me, his wife (who has been awake since before six and who is trying to finish doing her hair and getting a Caveman from not playing “Monkeys on the Bed” at the same time) what is the zip code for the hotel.

I realize that as a mommy I have superpowers, but naming random zip codes of areas in the Northeast not one of them. When I inform him of this I get an eye roll worthy of a 14 teen year old girl. Assuming that Big Papi is not amused by my response I go back to explaining to the Caveman why we don’t want to do any sightseeing at the local hospitals.

8:31am- Alien is having her first fit of the morning as she has finished the bottle from before. This is a problem as we are in the car heading to the Target Big Papi claims is on the way to Sesame Place. Big Papi yells “Hey” to the one year old. I HATE when he does that, seriously how is that going to help. I remind him of this. The Caveman has happily requested the Coldplay live version of “Fix You.” When this song comes on I can’t help but remember that today is Tuesday and the day of Pastor Stowe’s funeral.

The Caveman is also wishing happy birthday to Big Papi, the Alien, and the large truck outside. No now he is yelling at his sippy cup for not being a good boom.
8:43 am- Big Papi is going to make us crash. Seriously need to publish this blog so that I can afford vacations without my family. Drat if I vacation without my family then what will I write about?

8:57- Just left Target without battery charger. Now I have already explained my need of a Target nearby, but now I have another requirement with people that actually know what they are doing when speaking to a guest. Target calls their customers guests. I have the Caveman with me as Big Papi is trying to make a bottle for the Alien. I go into the electronics department and look all around for battery chargers. Now there are five Target team members putting DVDs and CDs out. I finally give up and track down one of the various team members to ask if they have an Olympus battery charger. Here is how this conversation went:
Me: “Excuse me, do y’all carry battery charger for Olympus cameras?”
Target Dude 1: “Yo, Mike do we sell battery chargers for Olympus cameras?” This is said to guy right next to him.
Target Dude 2 aka Mike : “No” to Target Dude 1.
Target Dude 1: “No” to me
Me: “Okay, do you know where I could buy one. Like a Best Buy maybe?”
Target Dude 1: “Yo, Mike, do you know where she could get one?”
Target Dude 2 aka Mike: “Near your house.”
Target Dude 1 to me “Near my house.”
Me: “Excuse me?!?”
Target Dude 1 “You know Langhorne!”
Me “As in Sesame Place Langhorne?”
Target Dude 1: “Yes.”

I am in such shock about this conversation that I leave the store amazed and with a new idea for a chapter in my book about customer service: never assume your customer knows where you live.

9:28 am- Have stopped at a Chick-fil-a for breakfast that is right next to Sesame Place. Joy and they have sweet tea. All is not lost, but realize I did not buy wipes at the Target before at the last exit. As we leave the shopping center I notice that they not only have a Michael’s craft store but right next to it an A.C. Moore craft store. What kind of game is Langhorne playing with. Why on earth do you need two crafts store in the same shopping center?

9:30am- Still in shopping center with crazy amounts of craft stores and we cannot find a way out. It has us trapped. That is so we are forced to shop there. It is a conspiracy. No wait we found a way out but now the road has random cement on it with Chevys. And we cannot find our way to another Target to get wipes. Big Papi is finally able to make a u-turn. Kids are blissfully quiet.

9:54am- Finally in line for parking at Sesame Place! And it only cost us $15.00 dollars to park across the street from the park. Also it is strange to see so many New Jersey license plates in one area. Gosh, I feel like a tourist! Also, Caveman claims that we are not going to Sesame Place but to the park. I don’t feel like correcting him, but makes me think that I could have saved all this money and just taken him to Fort Fun at home. The Alien is humming to herself and is now eating her foot. No, not the Alien just grabbed the Caveman’s cup.

Finally get to our parking space and I immediately pull out the sun screen and liberally apply to both kids and myself. Big Papi can put it on if he wants to.

12:30ish: My first chance to write down my thoughts since walking into the park. As soon as we entered the park we headed straight for the stroller and locker reservation center. Thank goodness we reserved these ahead of time, though most people seem to have their own strollers as well. Get the kids and all our stuff on the stroller. We have two bags and three large beach towels as all my online research has told me that these are needed. Stash some stuff in the lockers and then head to purchase hats for the Alien and Caveman. Find adorable Abby Cadaby hat for the Alien and Elmo hat for the Caveman. Caveman immediately puts hat backwards and the Alien is trying her best to remove her hat.

We then head down and actually see a version of Sesame Street! Complete with Oscar’s can and light post! I would love to have pictures to show you but battery power is precious! Head to a merry go round looking thing and get in line. As we are in line I notice a family in Virginia gear. I yell out Go Hoos, and they respond in kind with a Wahoo Wa! Fun!

It is our turn for the ride and both kids love it. At one point I can tell the Caveman wants his horse to go faster while the Alien just sits there and hangs on. Big Papi is in the middle to make sure that neither child falls off.

Get off that and I discover that Elmo’s World Live is about to start. We head over and the Caveman is delighted to see Mr. Noodle, Dorothy, and Elmo talking about fish. What is really fun is that there are so many little kids that when the Alien starts cause a fuss there are a least three other children doing the same. And parents are so busy taking pictures of their own children to be busy with mine.

Actually this is an interesting thing that happens in a park for small children. As a mom of really cute children I often get strangers stopping me to admire my children. That didn’t happen here, and I’m not sure I like it. Sorry fold your kids are not as cute as mine.

After the show we head to the potty so that the Caveman can get changed. We also put on the water shoes. I am also on the lookout for a water fountain. Seriously there are none! So I finally give in and get in line with the slowest teenager on the planet. I purchase two sports bottles that allow for cheaper re-fills and have my first soda in almost two years.

At this moment I realize that the Alien has lost her hat! Blast it! Big Papi has been very productive marking on the map which attractions the children can actually participate in. The Caveman announces that he wants to go to a pool so we head to the Count’s Splash Castle. This fortress of water has a 1000 gallon bucket that dumps every 15 minutes. The Caveman is delighted. The Alien and I head to find shade. Right now we are sitting across from first aid and lost parents.

Another fun thing about being in a theme park for toddlers is that most of the women in the park have given birth which means no flat stomachs. It is very reassuring to know that I am not the only one who still looks like she is pregnant. The Alien starts getting fussy so I change her diaper in the stroller, thank goodness again that this seems perfectly normal with hundreds of preschoolers running around. There is a huge amount of strollers to avoid.

Then the Alien and I head towards the Count Castle again and I look through the sea of dads because this sort of thing is a dad thing. I finally see the Caveman and Big Papi at the top of the Castle under the 1000 gallon bucket. The bucket dumps the water and the Caveman is the happiest little guy in the world. I am so happy we came until I realize that Big Papi and the Caveman are in line for a water slide!

WTF! Seriously dads out there do you not realize that your wives spent hours in pain to bring your children into the world. Not to mention stretch marks, sagging boobs, and too much contact with poop. Now you want to bring my baby on a ride that can cause bodily harm, not to mention that the Caveman is not wearing his swimsuit that has the floaties built in. I watch with horror when the Caveman goes down the slide feet first and manages to go down face first which means that somewhere he is toss into three feet of water. Thankfully there is a life guard right there to get him out. Big Papi comes shooting out of the slide and sees me. He knows he is busted.

He grabs the Caveman and heads towards the Alien and I. The Alien at this point is screaming at the top of her lungs. I am hot tired and over the crowds. The Caveman is in full out temper tantrum complete with whole body hysterics. We put him into the stroller and I announce that it is time to go. Of course the Caveman is screaming our entire time heading towards the front. We get the stuff out of the locker where we run into a family who wants a stroller and is willing to pay $20.00 bucks for ours. I say sure since we were leaving anyway. Grab our stuff and practically drag the Caveman kicking and screaming to the exit. Finally Big Papi has both kids and a bag while I have all the towels and the other bag. We make it to the parking lot where another car asks us if we are leaving and could they have our spot. Please it is all yours!

The Caveman is beyond repair. The Alien is scary. I tell Big Papi stop at Best Buy because we have to get that charger. I leave him to handle the kids and I rejoice the minute I step into the air conditioned and grown up filled Best Buy. They of course have exactly what I need. I also grab lemonade and water for the baby and notice that the book, Twilight, is on sale. In desperation to escape my family I grab a copy and plan to send everyone else to the pool. I really don’t want to read Twilight but I am hot, tired, and desperate.

I make a bottle for the Alien, and put the lemonade in the Caveman’s cup. In five minutes both are asleep. We decide to drive around the area and it really is nice. The houses all seem to be made of stone.

We finally get to the hotel and the kids are awake and hungry. I get them both some fruit and cheese. And try to get both to take a nap. It isn’t happening.

Tomorrow we have breakfast with Elmo. Tomorrow I am bringing my own water for bottles and the battery is fully charged. We will have a good time, damn it! I am the mommy and I say so!