The re-brith of R

The Alien is getting baptized tomorrow. There are times when I find the whole notion of baptism strange to do for a baby- I have always felt that baptism is a rite of rebirth and acceptance that you choose to follow the Christian faith. Yet in my newly adopted Lutheran faith, baptism is a necessity for salvation and it is something a parent has done to their child. Big Papi and I had the Caveman baptized after debating it for almost a year, with a lot of pressure from Crazy Grandma (my mother) to get it done already.

There is something special about knowing that the church I was married in is also the church that my children are growing roots in. My younger sister, R, also had roots in this church and will be the Alien’s godmother. R has had a rough year, and right now she is going through a re-birth herself.

It is hard to see someone you love go through not only one hard time but over and over again get knock down by life. In one year R has been laid off from her job, been in a major car accident, and is just now getting out of a very abusive relationship. The hardest thing for me as an older sister is I had no idea that R’s girlfriend (yes she’s gay folks it isn’t a big deal) was threatening R, wanting to know where she was at all times. Finally the relationship turned violent and R seemed to wake up and realize that this isn’t love.

But, the one thing I have discovered as a love one of a domestic violence survivor is that it is the months after the end of the relationship, where the bad memories start to become fuzzy and the happy memories shine like beams of light. In those months the abuser often pops in or the victim reaches out. In the months following the last episode, the incident which was so bad that it finally prompted the victim to leave, starts to fade.

My hope for my sister is that she realizes in the next months that this relationship was not based on love, but on fear. Fear does funny things to people, but to her abuser, Rs independence represented that R could leave at any time. The abuser is too insecure to realize that to plant a beautiful garden you can only till so much.

To R, who tomorrow accepts an enormous responsibility to guide my daughter, especially at times I cannot I hope that the Alien’s baptism reminds her that she is now facing a re-birth, and that I am rooting for her.