Tying Up Loose Ends

So being a college student in my late 20s is interesting. The first thing is the constant comparisons to my former college experience that wasn’t fulfilling other than my internship in Disney World and my work in school council and on the newspaper. I think the biggest difference is that the motivator for me going to school is to tie up loose ends.

I have a habit of starting things and not finishing them. College is one of those things. I wanted to go away to school for many reasons that don’t seem that important at this stage in my life. When I attended my first college I felt lost. I didn’t find my way and I was very unhappy. I messed up a few semesters and failed quite a few classes. The school year before the internship I was doing well, working for the school paper. I had actually made a group of friends on campus and was finding my spot. Then I lost my job with Lotion Land the first time (another story for another time) and the opportunity to go away seemed really appealing. I was 21 in a bad relationship (again another story) and wanted to be my own person somewhere else. I actually was accepted byDisney and in the field I wanted to work in, which I couldn’t believe because the competition is strong.

Orlando changed who I was. I dumped the bad boyfriend. Single for the first time in five years I was at first lonely and once again felt lost. Quickly it suddenly became routine to see Mickey everyday or watch a family come in from an afternoon storm and stock up on oversize lollipops and mouse ears. Even in the country’s darkest time (I was one of the cast members who helped close the Magic Kingdom on September 11th) I still felt comfort when an international guest said “we’re with you.” I learned who I was without my parents, a boyfriend, or even my group of friends. For the first time in my life I was truly myself, loud, opinionated without shame. I didn’t have the baggage of having a past. The experience was liberating.

Then I came back and everything on campus had changed. The friends I had made the year before had either graduated or were different. Even my position on campus had changed within the newspaper. All the progress I made the year before was gone and I had to start at square one. I didn’t like my classes and I was just over the whole thing. I quit.

Looking back I realized that I didn’t ask for help from the college when I needed it. I jumped into 300 level English courses without waiting to take the basic freshman-sophomore courses. Not using the resources on campus was a disadvantage of being a commuter student.

This time I am doing everything right and it shows in my happiness and success so far. The first thing I did when deciding to go back to school was consult with people who actually knew about college. Then I actually talked to the counseling department about what direction should I go and what classes should I take. These small steps have made all the difference.

The other thing I am noticing is the practical application of the knowledge I am soaking in. Just the other day I was in a debate over government involvement over the smoking ban pasted by the Virginia Assembly I was able to quote Abigail Adams. Or today when a client was on the phone and said he last name was “Krebs” and I said “oh like the Krebs’ cycle” and the guy said “wow, hardly anyone knows about that.” (The Krebs cycle is a part of photosynthesis you should Wikipedia it).

Yet, the main reason that I am excited about the prospect of finishing my degree is that it gives me a paper saying that I am able to complete something. It shows to others that I am able to set a goal, follow the steps and finish.

My challenge is for everyone to find one loose end, no matter how small and tie it up. I think that loose ends are really the regrets of our lives. The things we wish we could change. It could be something as simple as finally reading War and Peace or learning how to knit. Or maybe it is a bigger goal- like a college education. My hope is that by finishing my college experience the way I want I will stay out of the way of the Caveman and Alien when it is their time at bat.