Good men must die, but death can not kill their names

So I can tell you how to get to Sesame Place, but I am not sure I want to go there right now.

This weekend should have been filled with anticipation for getting on the road with the Caveman, Alien, and Big Papi, but it wasn’t. This Sunday should have gone quickly because I had too much to do. Instead the seconds ticked as slowly as a child anticipating the arrival of Santa.

On Friday while sitting at my desk at work I received a call from Dude-pa, my step father. He called me to give me the news that my Pastor Stowe had passed away.

Pastor Stowe is the man who made me understand my faith and the importance of my role as spiritual guardian of my children. I met this man when I was 15, and while I appreciated his role I didn’t understand how important he was to forming the grown-up I am today.

When my parents decided to join Gloria Dei church I wanted no part of the church or relationship with God they were creating. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t think I believed in Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit. Actually if I’m honest I didn’t believe that God believed in me.

Pastor Stowe always believed in me. When I married Big Papi I actually decided to have the other pastor at our church marry us. I do not regret this as Pastor Freeborne is a man I admire and respect. Pastor Stowe still came to my wedding along with his beautiful wife Joy. I have amazing pictures of them dancing. When I had the Caveman I suddenly longed for the comfort of Pastor Stowe to lead my child to the water.

Getting ready for the baptism of my Caveman, I remember sitting in the Nave with Pastor Stowe and asking him about joining the church. He offered to come to our house, even while he had so much to do and was in ill health, to help bring Big Papi on board. Luckily Big Papi agreed to attend Pastor’s class, which is how one becomes a member of Gloria Dei. I am so thankful that I was able to share that time with Pastor Stowe.

During Pastor’s class I learned that we were all ‘cracked pots’ as Pastor Stowe would call us. Even he was included in the cracked pot category. Most people, particularly men of power have a way of not showing vulnerability. Pastor Stowe welcomed his imperfections and embraced other’s. He had a way of explaining God’s love that made you feel a part of Pastor Stowe’s journey. If Pastor Stowe was talking to you it was always with you never down to you. Though wise he never boasted his knowledge. He accepted people as they were at that moment always seeing the possibilities.

My daughter was one of the last children he baptized, and that is incredibly special. Pastor Stowe loved performing baptisms and felt that bringing children to the water of Christ was a parent’s important responsibility. I think that is why he loved the school so much. Gloria Dei has a wonderful elementary school and day care program. Pastor Stowe did not have children of his own as he told me because he knew he could not be the father he wanted to be and still be the pastor he was expected to be.

As I sat through church service today and saw the many people there with tears in their eyes and sorrow in their hearts I felt that I had lost a grandfather. It was then I realized that every person sitting in that church, every child that sat in the classrooms were his children.

Dude-pa would not be the man he is without Pastor Stowe; I never got to thank Pastor Stowe for that.

My husband would not have a relationship with Jesus without the influence of Pastor Stowe. I need to thank Pastor for that as well.

My children have an amazing church home to grow in because of the hard work Pastor Stowe did.

If you are a person that prays, please pray for the congregation of Gloria Dei. Our grandfather has died and I feel lost. I know that Pastor Stowe had been sick for a long time, and now he is at peace. Many people loved this man, and the best part about Pastor Stowe is that he truly loved everyone.

This world is not ever going to see a man of his quality. In fact we were just fortunate to have him for how ever brief of a time we did get him.

Goodbye for now Pastor Stowe. I am craving one of your big bear hugs. Thank you for loving me and believing in my faith, especially when I did not believe in myself.

The re-brith of R

The Alien is getting baptized tomorrow. There are times when I find the whole notion of baptism strange to do for a baby- I have always felt that baptism is a rite of rebirth and acceptance that you choose to follow the Christian faith. Yet in my newly adopted Lutheran faith, baptism is a necessity for salvation and it is something a parent has done to their child. Big Papi and I had the Caveman baptized after debating it for almost a year, with a lot of pressure from Crazy Grandma (my mother) to get it done already.

There is something special about knowing that the church I was married in is also the church that my children are growing roots in. My younger sister, R, also had roots in this church and will be the Alien’s godmother. R has had a rough year, and right now she is going through a re-birth herself.

It is hard to see someone you love go through not only one hard time but over and over again get knock down by life. In one year R has been laid off from her job, been in a major car accident, and is just now getting out of a very abusive relationship. The hardest thing for me as an older sister is I had no idea that R’s girlfriend (yes she’s gay folks it isn’t a big deal) was threatening R, wanting to know where she was at all times. Finally the relationship turned violent and R seemed to wake up and realize that this isn’t love.

But, the one thing I have discovered as a love one of a domestic violence survivor is that it is the months after the end of the relationship, where the bad memories start to become fuzzy and the happy memories shine like beams of light. In those months the abuser often pops in or the victim reaches out. In the months following the last episode, the incident which was so bad that it finally prompted the victim to leave, starts to fade.

My hope for my sister is that she realizes in the next months that this relationship was not based on love, but on fear. Fear does funny things to people, but to her abuser, Rs independence represented that R could leave at any time. The abuser is too insecure to realize that to plant a beautiful garden you can only till so much.

To R, who tomorrow accepts an enormous responsibility to guide my daughter, especially at times I cannot I hope that the Alien’s baptism reminds her that she is now facing a re-birth, and that I am rooting for her.